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There you go. Fill that with money... because I am about to share an amazing trick that will make you all go "I wonder how much money I should send Amanda for this amazing piece of knowledge. Is a box full enough?"
Answer: No, but because I love all of you a box will do just fine.
(I'd recommend getting that Box O'Money weighed for proper shipping fees)
How To Feel Younger Overnight:
Step 1 - Go through a really stressful situation. The more stressful, the better. (this isn't called How To Feel BETTER Overnight, just 'younger') (stop complaining) ($5.95 for shipping and handling for excessive bitching) (it's in the fine print).
Step 2 - Forget your 'actual' age. This works best if you genuinely forget it. None of that fake "oh damn! I forgot to thaw out the meat! Guess it's pizza tonight" crap. I am talking about "wow. I have no clue what happened last night but I know vodka and the Cotton Eyed Joe were involved" forgetting. THAT kind of forget.
Step 3 - Tell everyone your 'new' age. (higher than your actual age or this doesn't work) By 'everyone' I clearly mean 'the internet'.
Step 4 - Correct your husband in public when he mentions your 'real' age. Insist he is being an asshole for getting it wrong.
Step 5 - Do this enough that eventually your husband gets annoyed and corrects YOU for being so wrong.
Step 6 - Remember that you are *supposed* to be forgetting your 'actual' age and act confused because you sincerely believe that you are your 'new' age.
Step 7 - Have husband rolling on the floor laughing because he thinks you have for reals forgotten how old you are.
Step 8 - Frantically google "age if birthday is xx-xx-1984". Come up with nothing. Try about 4 different versions of this sentence praying for an "age calculator".
Step 9 - Fail at finding an app for that.
Step 10 - Have a complete stranger point out that he was born a month after you and is currently your 'real' age.
Step 11 - Congratulations. Instead of thinking you are 26, and have been for the last 2+ months, you realize you are in REAL LIFE 25.
Yeah. I gained a year.
Thank me later.
Or just go ahead and send in that box of money.
